new blog. C:

http://christamarie.tumblr.com

she never knew.

restless. always restless.
she never knew how to just sit and wait.
she never knew how to not take control.
she never knew how to remain still.
she never knew how to sleep.

but she did know pain. and loneliness. and passion.
and loving someone more than herself.

this long suffering kept cutting, deeper and deeper.
and no one could ever save her.
some tried to hold their hand out to help her.
but she never saw it.
she never knew love.
she never found love.

she never knew how He could love her.

then His precious hands took her into His arms.
His presence redeemed her from suffering,
and sang her heart to sleep.
a lullaby of love.

sleeping until it is time to awaken.

& until the day that he finds Him in her.
the day she meets him,
her sleeping heart will awaken from the sleep that she never knew.
she now knows she will go peacefully by his side.
& his peace will be in her presence. always.

my strength is in You.

i know that God has huge plans for my life in lagrange.
and as much as i don't want to be in this redneck town for even two minutes longer,
i know i am supposed to here. and that comforts me.

i honestly didn't think i would get homesick the second time around,
but all i want to do is to be in my house, laughing with my mom.

satan knows how to tear me apart, and i hate that i am so vulnerable in his stupid hands.

as these weeks go on, and as i persevere through the trials to come,
i will be writing, which will help bring me closer to Him.

bcm leadership is my priority in lagrange.
i am so excited to be a part of a team that is so on fire for God.
and that is why i want to be closer and closer to Him everyday.
His magnificence can only help me through the beating of satan.

so, here goes the beginning of my journey in lagrange, round 2.

-----

today was horrible.
nothing happened, really.
but for some reason lagrange makes me horribly self conscious about everything.
i care too much about what other people think, and i hate it.
i do stuff without thinking,
and it makes me look stupid... and selfish, but i feel like no one knows my heart here.
i know one of my gifts from God is caring for people,
but for some reason i can't seem to show that to anyone here.
my whole demeanor changes when i walk onto this campus.
i know that will be the fight for this semester.
it will be a battle to be able to show people the real me.

i honestly know why people don't know the real me.
because i get so freaked out about how people judge me,
that i put on an act, like i'm someone better than who i actually am...
and that's stupid, because i end up acting like a crazy person.

my roommate is wonderful though.
she honestly makes me want to be a better person.
she is such a blessing in my life, and i know God had a reason for us to be roommates.

i know my strength and hope comes in Christ.
and i know that this will be a long journey,
but i pray that God fills my heart with excitement and hope for the future.
because right now, i'm seeing nothing brighter than a dim tunnel.

ephesians 6:11 "so take everything the Master has set out for you, well-made weapons of the best materials. & put them to use so you will be able to stand up to everything the devil throws your way"



xoxo,
vgirl

fearless.

i just want to put him in a jar, and release his peace in my presence always.

he makes all things beautiful in his time.

xoxo,
vgirl

the ground beneath my feet.

special friend. dearest wife. beloved grandmother.

dear wally, i'm writing this letter, sincerely,
to tell you you're the sweetest boy i've ever known.
remember, that USO when we met,
you almost didn't go.
well, me and your two sons are very glad you did.
and when your eyes found me i could hardly breathe.
i wanted you.
glad you wanted me.

i never stopped falling in love with you, wally.
from the first day i saw you
i was sailor-bound, i just knew.
you had me, i was yours,
we danced out on the floor.
and with each passing day,
i only loved you more.

that night was pure magic.
who would have imagined,
it would become 55 loving, wonderful years.
your job was not all easy.
those last years i could hardly speak.
but when i looked at you i knew nothing had changed.
and when i was leaving,
i could feel you hurting,
but then i saw those angels
and i knew your love would want this for me.

so while you're waiting
know that im saying, i love you,
i love you.

i never stopped falling in love with you, wally.
from the first day i saw you
i was sailor-bound, i just knew.
you had me, i was yours.
we danced out on the floor.
and with each passing day,
i only loved you

dear wally.